It's the Rain
by Seddielover945
Summary: Elena's mind is trying to fight the compulsion, but her body is not quite ready to give in. Delena. 6x18.
1. Chapter 1

It rains that night. Elena's never sure why the rain intrigues her so much. After all, it's just rain, (she's seen thousands of times before) nothing special.

She can hear Bonnie calling to her from the car, (she's waiting for her) but she doesn't bother to walk over. Bonnie can wait.

The droplets hit her skin, her hair, slowly soaking her clothes so they cling to her. (Her dress is getting ruined.)

Elena smiles softly, reaching up for feel her (now dripping) brown hair. She's not sure why she's so overjoyed about being wet, (she's never really liked it before) but there's something about this rain that feels important (familiar almost) to her. It's a calming feeling and she welcomes it.

Bonnie's speaking to her again. "You're going to be late!" Her voice is reaching Elena's ears, but somehow, she doesn't seem to recognize the message.

Bonnie offered to drive her to the Whitmore Gala. It's a appreciation dinner for all the medical students and volunteers, (Elena's both) as a thank you for their hard work and dedication throughout the semester. It's one of those nights where everything supernatural in her life gets pushed out of her mind and Elena gets to focus on her school work and career.

That doesn't seem to be the case however, because she seems to be going crazy. The rain seems to be taking a toll on her and she can't figure out how to move a muscle. _It's just rain, _she thinks. _Bonnie's waiting for you. _

But somehow, it's not.

There's a sound of the car door slamming shut, and then, footsteps. Bonnie's trotting through the rain, umbrella held over her head. She stops in front of Elena, who by now has her eyes closed, head pointed towards the sky.

"Are you okay?" Bonnie questions, all worries about being late pushed aside.

Its then when Elena opens her eyes, facing Bonnie. "I don't know," She answers truthfully. She can't figure out what's going on with herself.

Bonnie's sighing, laying a hand on Elena's arm. "You don't know?"

Elena shakes her head, rubbing her arms, although, she's not cold. She's warm, and her heart is beating like a firecracker.

Bonnie grabs her arm, leading her underneath the porch. "What do I need to do?"

It's a look Elena's seen on Bonnie's face before. It's the same look she gave Elena after her parents died. She's questioning the situation, not quite sure what to make out of it. She's also not sure what to do.

Elena doesn't answer her.

Bonnie tries again. "What should I do?" By now, she's ditched her umbrella, leaning in closer to Elena's face, trying to catch any form of look in her brown eyes. There's none.

Elena begins to shiver, her heart doesn't cease the thumping. She blinks, trying to control her body. Her hands shoots to her neck, and she's not sure why.

"I'm calling Ric," Bonnie's voice seems so far away, but it's there. There's a pause, and Bonnie continues speaking, "and Caroline."

Elena wonders why she hadn't mentioned Damon. But by the time she's come up with an answer, Bonnie's already on the phone.

"I don't know," Another pause of silence, and Elena can't focus well enough to even try to figure out who Bonnie's on the phone with."She was fine a few minutes ago. I went to the car after she told me she would meet me. The only thing I can think of is the rain. That's the only change Ric."

Elena briefly catches Ric's answer. _"I'm on my way," _

She doesn't even attempt to pay attention as Bonnie calls Caroline. She sits down in the car on the porch, putting a hand to her head. It's warm. Like _fever _warm.

"Bonnie," Elena's voice is slightly panicked.

"What is it?" Bonnie's rushing to her side before she has a chance to continue.

"I think I have a fever," Even her own words seem foreign to her ears.

Bonnie's pressing a hand to her forehead, the expression on her face unrecognizable.

The sound of tires and car lights pull into the driveway. The car halts, engine shutting down. Two car doors slam and then there's the sound of footsteps. Two sets. _Caroline and Ric. _

Except it's not.

Damon's face comes into view as he kneels in front of her. His hands grip her cheeks, (they're cold) eyes bore into her own. "Elena," The way he says her name, (so much concern) makes her want to smile, but she doesn't.

Damon looks at Bonnie. "What's wrong with her?" There's panic hidden in between his words.

"I don't know," She runs her fingers through her hair.

"What do you mean you _don't know_?" His voice sounds angry, like he's ready to snap.

But Elena knows the truth, he's worried (maybe even scared).

She has only heard him like this a few times, (that she knows of) his voice wavers, eyes blazing. She wants to reach out of him, to tell him to calm himself down, (like she usually would) but she can't. She's stuck in this trance .

"When did this start again?" Ric questions, eyes on Bonnie.

"When the rain did,"

Her words repeat in Elena's mind. _When the rain did. _

"That doesn't make sense," Ric mumbles, scratching his head.

There's a pause, and then, another voice. "It does,"

Something about Damon's voice has the gears turning in Elena's head. Her mind is trying to piece together the facts. _What could be so special about rain? _

There's a voice that enters deep in the back of her mind. It seems so familiar, but so far away.

"_But my favorite memory of us, one that I've relived a million times over the last four months is this summer night we had before you went off to college. You wanted to show me this meteor shower. So we drove out in the middle of nowhere, and the moment those shooting stars started to fall: rain, lots of rain," _

It's his voice that brings her back to reality now.

"It's barely rained in Mystic Falls since that night,"

"What night?" Bonnie questions.

He doesn't tell her.

He's looking at Elena. "Can you remember?" His voice is _so _full of hope.

"I don't know. I'm not sure," She bites her lip.

"What's the last thing you remember about that night?"

_That night. _He's not talking about the night in the rain, not now. He's talking about the night by the border He's talking about the story he told her. The story of the story. _The story of the memory._

"_It started to rain and then what happened Damon?" _Her own words that she used to question him on the story. It was the ending that _always _gave her trouble because his words didn't make sense.

"_It started to rain and then what?" _

"_It got cold and muddy. You were miserable so we got in the car. We drove home," _No. You see, _that_ was the part that seemed to leave her confused. There was something he hadn't mentioned. It was something sort of significant moment that Damon had left out of story line.

"You lied," She's looking at Damon now. "You never told me the end of the story."

Elena closes her eyes, fingers making a fist. _She's trying. _As she listens to the rain the words mix in her mind. _There's something else there. There's voices. _

"_Promise me this is forever," _She can hear her voice, but she can't match it to a picture, (to a memory) not yet.

Then there's Damon voice. It's so distinctive that it couldn't possibly be anyone else. _"I promise," _

The sound of rain echoes behind the voices, (behind the words). It's the pitter patter of the drops hitting the roof of Damon's car. She hears the sounds, but still, there's no picture to match with them.

Her head is pounding, (as fast as her heart) it thumps, and it _hurts. _She's trying so hard to focus because maybe, just maybe, if she can match _that_ memory, the dam will break.

She opens her eyes. Damon is still there, his hand has dropped from her cheek. It now rests on her own hand. He's offering her a smile (just a small one). Just in case.

"The words," She whispers, watching the faces of the three people in front of her (two of which are confused). _That's it, _they're thinking, _she's lost it. _

Wouldn't be the first time.

Elena meets Damon's gaze again. "That's all I have are words,"

Her lips twist into a frustrated pout. She wants more. She wants to know _all _of it. She doesn't just want the words.

Damon's raising a brow, his expression curious. "Words?"

"Promise me this is forever," She whispers. She's terrified that if she says it any louder, something will go wrong. Something _always _goes wrong.

His face lights up, and Elena's sure its the biggest smile she's ever seen on his lips.

"All I have are the words," She's beginning to feel angry now. It's been all this time, and that's all she has. "I don't just want the words, I want the picture." She's frustrated, feeling the urge to throw something.

"Hey," Damon whispers. "It's okay." His thumb brushes the skin over her ear.

"It's not," Elena disagrees, shaking her head.

"It's the compulsion," Damon is saying now, but it's not directed at her. "It's trying to wear itself down. Off."

He turns back to her now. "It's progress," He states. "That's all that matters."

Elena shakes her head again. _That's not all that matters. _Not to her. Not now.

"Does that have something to do with the fever?" It's Bonnie, she's speaking again. But like before, the voice sounds fuzzy.

She barely notices Damon nod before she closes her eyes. _Her head still hurts. _

When the next person speaks, it's even worse. "It's like she's getting sick. When you're human, you're immune system has to fight off an infection,"

"But she's _not _human,"

"That's the point. Her body is trying to fight off the compulsion. It's a defense mechanism. Even though she's not sick with bacteria, her body is still fighting _something. _It's trying to regulate itself and get back to normal,"

"I've never _even _heard of this," It's clear to Elena that the person speaking now is Bonnie.

"There's a first time for everything. We hadn't heard of werewolves until we went to Duke, but they always existed,"

"So what? We treat her like she has the flu until the compulsion wears off?"

"For now, unless we can find a better idea,"

Even though the voices remain fuzzy, Elena can still tell what they're saying. She can still hear the rain on the roof as a pair of arms lift her from the chair. Without looking, she can guess whose arms they belong to. Damon.

"Upsy Daisy," He's trying to lighten the mood as he wraps his arms around her body.

She doesn't feel anything else until her back hits a bed. Elena hears a pair of shoes hit the hardwood. She knows where she's at. Her dorm.

"I know it's not the boarding house, but for now, it'll have to do," Damon speaks.

She fights to open her eyes. "That's okay," Somehow, her voice has weakened since she last spoke.

He's pushing her blankets back, removing her heels from her feet. He brushes her hair from her face, pulling the covers over her body. "I'm cold," She whispers, feeling chills run down her spine. (It's not the kind of chills that she _wants _to feel).

Damon peels off her leather jacket, dropping it on the floor. Going on the opposite side of the bed, he pushes the blankets back once more. He climbs in the bed next to her, slinging one arm over her torso. "You're going to be fine,"

Elena nods. "Does pain medication work on vampires?" _She didn't think a headache could be this bad. _

Damon sits up, adjusting himself in the bed. "Why? What hurts?"

Once again, he plays the role of the concerned boyfriend, touching her temple with his lips. There is passion in his eyes, more concern than passion, but the passion still hides behind it.

"My head," She's whispering again, afraid that her voice will give out. She's certainly had the flu before, but it hasn't felt like _this. _

He moves to exit the bed, (the room even) but she stops him. "What did the werewolf bite feel like?"

Damon pauses, meeting her eyes. "How do you know about that?'

"Caroline mentioned something about it. When Liz was getting worse. What did it feel like, the later stages?"

Damon laughs bitterly, because he knows she was there, both times, to witness his pain. Given, the second time wasn't nearly as painful as the first, but it _still _happened. When he answers her question, he doesn't mention the fact she was there, (if all goes well, she should find out soon enough).

"Hell filled," He doesn't sugar coat his answer. She was the one who asked, and even though it's _her, _when it came to her, he never sugar coated _anything. _

He looks at her again, touching her pale face with his hand. "How do you feel?'

"It's like I'm going through transition again, but it's about a thousand times worse," Her voice is desperate, for something (anything) to soothe her.

"I'm sorry," Damon lays back down again, facing her.

Elena shakes her head. "It's not your fault,"

Even though, she's had people apologize to her in the past, this one feels different. The words seem familiar, and again, she can't pinpoint why.

She has to shut her eyes again moments later because another wave of pain hits her head. (It's almost as bad as when witches did the whole aneurysm thing.) Squeezing her eyes as tight as they'll go, her reaches for Damon's hand.

He speaks to her. "It's okay," Even though he's telling her, right now, she has a hard time believing him.

She nods through the pain, trying to get her mind to focus on whatever it's trying to tell her. Just like before, it takes a few moments, but again. there's words.

"_I've made a lot of choices that have gotten me here. I deserve to die," _This time, it's _him _who is the weak one. It's Damon who sounds like he's in pain.

She can hear her own voice again, although it briefly cracks, she knows her other self is confident in the words. _"No. You don't," _

"_I do Elena, it's okay," _She can hear the soft chuckle that comes with the words, maybe he even smiled. _"Cause if I'd had chosen differently I wouldn't have met you," _

The words bring on more, and before long, she finds herself trying to decipher which words go with what.

It's her voice that speaks first. _"I'm not sorry that I met you. I'm not sorry that knowing you had made me question everything," _

Before long, her brain flops back to the other set of words, and even though she knows the "sorry that I met you" part has more to it, she's okay with it.

"_I'm so sorry, I've done so many things to hurt you," _

"_It's okay, I forgive you," _

The next thing Damon says, brings a pang to her heart. She's hearing _it, _the first time, again for the first time. _"I know you love Stefan and it will always be Stefan, but I love you, you should know that," _

She hears herself sniffle, and she knows she was holding back tears. Even still, she answered. "_I do," _

The words slowly fade, her headache subsiding, (for now). When she opens her eyes, she finds Damon starring at her. "What now?"

"That speech that you were talking about, the one on my graduation, did it have something to do with meeting you?"

"Something like that," He's nodding. "Did you?"

"Only bits and pieces. There's still no pictures-"

He cuts her words off. "You'll get there, but for now, you should get some rest,"

She feels his arms rest back on her stomach, his forehead briefly touches hers before he reaches over to switch off the lamp beside her bed.

"Damon," She says his name, watching as he shakes his head.

"We can find out more tomorrow," With those words, Elena knows he means it. She takes it her opportunity to close her eyes. This time, it's to sleep.

**To be honest, I have no idea where all of that came from, but I do know that I'm in love with the outcome. It was a joy to write and I loved tying all the old scenes into new ones!**

**This is inspired by Florencia7. I reread her oneshot **_**Chance of Rain **_**and it got me thinking of the 6x07 rain kiss again. So needless to say, this story is dedicated to her. :)**

**I really tried my hardest on this, (I wrote it all on one sitting) the words just seemed to keep flowing out of me tonight. I just hope everyone is in character (as always) and there are no grammar mistakes. **

**Incase anyone is wondering this is set post 6x17 (the latest episode). **

**I feel like on this story especially, (I'm really proud of the whole thing) I would LOVE to read feedback. :) **

**I love you guys, **

**XOXO, **

**Megan. **


	2. Chapter 2

She tosses and turns for ages after Damon shuts the lamp off. Sleep seems to be the furthest thing from her mind. Elena's only concern is for her head to calm down. She knows she should sleep. When she was little, her mom would tell her rest was the best thing for the flu. But, even if she tries to convince herself this sickness she has is _far _from the common flu.

Morning comes far too soon and Elena can still feel the pounding in her head. It's beginning to grow worse, and it's becoming routine. She knows what follows the headaches.

She rolls onto her stomach, pressing her face into her pillow. Judging by the movement next to her, she knows Damon is awake.

After opening his eyes, the first thing he does is press and hand to the side of her head. It's a calming movement (gesture even). "Elena," He says her name, trying to get her to face him. She does. "What can I do?"

His words remind her of the same words Bonnie had spoken to her the night before. Even the tone of voice is the same. It shows concern, worry, and possibly even fear.

Elena's lips feel dry as she tries to answer him, the words fumble on her tongue before actually turning into words. Axcept, they don't come out as words. Actually, they do, but it's some sort of foreign language. She knows what she wants to the say, but the words won't (don't) form correctly.

She watches his facial expression, (never changing). The concern in his eyes is so deep, she feels like she's losing herself in it, (in him). As he reaches out to press his hand to her burning forehead, he closes those blue eyes of his.

"It's gonna be okay," His voice is soft, lips slowly falling towards her ear. He's distracting her, (well he's trying to) from the pain in her skull. "_You _are going to be okay."

Elena meets his eyes, closing her eyes tight as a the excruciating pain rockets through her head. _There it is. _

At first, the vision is fuzzy but it is improvement. She's not sure what's so significant about this memory, but it's a _memory. It's not just words this time. _That's all that matters.

"_Where's Damon?" _The tone in her past self's voice is eager, curious almost as she unzips a black coat. She's starring Caroline and Enzo, making no point to utter another word.

But then, _there he is_, rounding a corner, his body coming into view. _"Hi," _

Their eyes lock.

"_Hi," _She mimics his words, but the look in his eyes, (in her eyes) tells Elena that this memory even though it doesn't look like much, it proves something. It's one of those times when you're itching to see a person and _then, _when you finally do, it's nothing like you pictured it the first time in your mind.

The memory seems to drag on and Elena doesn't catch what Enzo's saying to Caroline. It doesn't really matter anyway. _That's not the point. _

"_Well, at least they're not being obvious," _There it is. Elena _finally _understands why it's important for her mind to show her this. It's clearly after a breakup, and it's one of those moments when tension is so thick, it's able to be cut with a knife.

"_You got a pool table," _It's continuing.

"_Yeah. I figured pool's a good outlet to put this pint of energy that I seem to now have," _

"_Yeah, I went running today," _

Her memory self is stepping closer to Damon, although, she's barely looking at him. She keeps her eyes glued to the floor as he offers her a drink. She does look up as she answers him, but she avoids all eye contact. _"Probably not a good idea, inhibitions and all," _

He fakes a small laugh, glancing away from her. _"Well, we wouldn't want that," _

"_Can we not do this?" _It's one of the first time her eyes have locked with his. A pleading edge is added to her words. _She didn't want it to be different, awkward, with him. _At least that's what Elena is gathering from her own memory.

"_We're not doing anything,_" Memory Damonshrugs, biting his lower lip softly for a second. He looks at the ground. He continues, _"And I think that's part of the problem. We're just standing...clothed, just standing, doing nothing." _Again, neither one of them seem to be making eye contact.

It's memory Elena's turn to speak again, _"I mean, the whole strained, awkward, don't-know-how-to-act-part," _Yes, because that makes it less awkward.

"_Oh," _He looks at her now.

"_Can't we just be friends?" _Elena is saying, eyebrows raised, seemingly hopeful at the question. .

The memory fades before _she, her own self _can get a real answer for memory Damon. She kicks herself in the head, because it's the first thing she's gotten (remembered) so far and she hasn't _really _gotten the answer she's looking for. Sure, the memory means something, and like Damon reminded her, it's improvement.

With her headache diminishing, Elena looks at the Damon next to her. His eyes are again filled with concern, but there's something else there too. Hope. "You okay?" He's questioning, biting his lip (much like the Damon in the memory) and is _this _time, looking into her eyes.

"I'll be fine," They're the first real words she's spoken since she has woken up from sleeping. (If you would even want to call it sleeping). "I just-," She stops, watching his gaze, "Did we ever break up?"

He laughs (almost) bitterly, sitting up in the bed. "Which time?"

"I'm serious,"

Damon shakes his head, "What did you hear?"

"It's not what I heard, it's what I saw,"

His eyes are going saucer wide now. "You remembered something?"

"Yeah," She pauses, "Yeah I did." The words come out more confident the second time around.

It takes a moment, but Elena realizes he's waiting on her to elaborate. "You were at the boarding house and then I showed up. Caroline and Enzo were there too, but that really doesn't matter," She takes a breath, "They left and we had this talk. Something about you buying a pool table and unused energy."

"The whole lets be friends again conversation," By the tone in his voice, it's clearly not something he's fond of. He looks at her, "Well, you can see how that worked out."

"Right," She reaches over and grips her hand in his. Despite her sickness, she smiles at him. Now, it's her reassuring him.

Damon nods softly, leaning his head back on the pillow. "I'm over it,"

"Good," Elena speaks, shutting her eyes for a moment. "You can go do whatever you need to. You know that right?"

"What do you mean?"

"You don't _have _to stay here with me the whole time. If I remember correctly, once a fever breaks for the flu, the worst is over,"

"Yes," He nods, "but your fever _hasn't _broken yet," Just to prove it to her, he presses his lips to her forehead. "You're still burning up."

"Don't you need to go talk to Ric about something? Bonnie maybe? Didn't she say something about the fact that there might be another way to help me?'

"Why are you so dead sent on me leaving you?"

"I don't want you to see me like this. I know it hurts you,"

"I am not going to leave you. Not until every single one of those memories is back in the pretty little head of yours, okay?"

"Okay," She nods, burying the side of her head into the middle of his chest. _It's back again. _

"_Here's some bourbon. It'll help you forget," _She takes a sip, _"Yeah. It's strong. You know I can help you forget too," _These words transport her make to the mistake that got her here in the first place. It's her own damn fault because _all _she wanted to do was forget. Memory Damon is speaking again, and his words are adding onto her guilt even more. _"At least the memories you don't wanna keep." _

Her human self was more stubborn obviously. She shakes her head. _"No. No compulsion. I need to remember, all of it." _

Damon looks down, picking up an object, and handing it to her. _"I stole it back for you," _

There's a pause and then, her own pleading words. _"He's really gone this time. I watched it happen. After everything that we went through to get- to help him. Now he's just...gone," _It's clear that she's fighting back tears. She didn't even need the picture to tell her that one.

Damon's concerned face, (eyes) are making a comeback. For a moment, he seems like he's not sure what to do as he lays her necklace down on the table. He gives her a moment to herself, only watching as she presses her lips together.

She looks at him, eyes wet. "_Where were you Damon?" _In that moment her tone is pleading with him and it all becomes clear to Elena that the time at the high school wasn't the only time Damon had swooped in to play the hero.

"_I shouldn't have left, " _His face is guilty as he places a hand on her leg. Their eyes lock again. _"I promise you. I will never leave you again." _He nods, watching her lips curl up at the edges. Even though her smile is watery, she is confident in her eyes. She believes him.

The memory fades out, but before she has time to comprehend it all the way, her brain jumps into another one.

This memory is from her own house, and this time, she's not with Damon. She's with Matt. She is sitting in her room, across from Matt. She has a mug in her hand, and when she takes a sip, the look on her face goes sour.

"_Sorry," _Matt's saying. _"I over honeyed. I suck at tea." _

_This doesn't make sense. _Elena thinks. She _knows _this memory. Matt and Jeremy came up with a plan to get her out of town and out of harms way. Their plan was to get her away from Klaus and his siblings incase something went wrong with the plan. Matt drugged her with the tea, and the next thing she knew, she was in his truck moving swiftly away from her home town. _How could Damon be involved in this? _

"_So," _Matt says, _"Stefan?" _

Memory Elena shots him a pointed look. _"He saved my life you know. I never told you that. The night that my parents car went off the bridge, Stefan was the one that saved me," _

"_So do you feel like you owe him or something?" _

"_No. It's not that it's… After the accident I kinda felt like I didn't know how to live anymore, like I didn't want to. But then being with Stefan, it just- somehow I figured it out. And that's what love should be, you should love the person that makes you glad that you're alive," _

Matt scoots forward, resting his arms on his knees. _"So then what's the problem?" _

"_The problem's Damon," _She sighs, _"I- when I'm with him, it just consumes me. And I know that I can't love them both. I know that it's wrong. When I choose one, then I'll lose the other. And I don't wanna lose anyone else. _

_I- I wish that I had my mom here. I need some advice," _

The memory changes, and she's in Matt's truck.

"_We have to go back. Listen to me Matt if Klaus is the one that turned their bloodline, then they're all gonna die. We have to go back Matt!"_

Matt's voice is calm as he speaks, never taking his eyes from the road. _"Elena," _

"_What?" _

"_Damon's not with them," _

"_What?" _

"_He's a hundred miles out of town. I can keep driving to him, or I can turn around and go back to Stefan. It's your choice," _

The pain from that moment washes over Elena from the memory. It feels like it happened a lifetime ago, but the feelings are fresh and new. It that moment, she is scared.

But, she can still feel Damon's chest pressed up against her face. The cotton of his black shirt smells clean and fresh. It takes her a moment to soak in the memory, and she knows it's not ending yet. _She still has a choice to make. _

The next time she sees her memory self she is still in Matt's truck. But this time, she has her phone pressed to her ear. The voice on the other end of the line is so clear that it sounds like she's talking with him now.

"_Let me guess, you're calling to see if the grim reaper's paid a visit?" _He's joking, yes under the joke his words ring out to be the truth. Elena knows it's his way of covering his feelings.

"_How are you feeling? Are there any symptoms?" _

"_Not yet, but I'm sure we'll have a laugh when we find out that Klaus is a big fat liar," _

"_Yeah. Yeah I'm sure we will," _Her voice lacks the confidence from before, and she's scared from them (she's scared for _him_).

"_Wait? Where are you?" _

"_Matt's taking me home," _

"_To Stefan," _She hears Damon sigh.

She tries to prove him wrong. _"Not just to Stefan, Damon. To Tyler, to Caroline," _

"_So, since I'm possibly a dead man, can I ask you a question?" _

She nods._ "Of course," _

"_If it was just down to him and me, and you had to make a choice, who got the goodbye?" _He's sighing, _"Who would it be?" _

"_I love him Damon," _Her voice is strained, soft. She's terrified that if she makes it any louder then it will break. _"He came into my life at a time when I needed someone, and I fell for him instantly. No matter what I feel for you… I never unfell from him." _

"_Yeah I get it. It's always gonna be Stefan," _

"_I can't think about always," _She's crying freely now. The tears are making tracks down her cheeks. _"All I can think about is right now. And I care about you Damon, which is why I have to let you go," _She sniffles, biting her lower lip because a breaking point (a real one) is just beyond the horizon. _"I mean, maybe you if you and I had met first." _

Damon sounds upset too. His breathing becomes unevened as he speaks again. There is a sad tint to his words, _"Yeah, maybe," _

"_You're gonna be fine. You hear me? You're gonna be okay, and I'm gonna see you soon," _

"_Real soon," _He whispers, _"Goodbye Elena." _

Elena can feel the tears leaking onto Damon's shirt. They roll down her face, but she makes no effort to brush them away. After so long of not _knowing, _of not feeling. She _wants _to feel this.

Peeking up at Damon, her teeth tug at her lip.

"Hey," He whispers, "It's okay." Taking his thumb, _this _Damon brushes the tears away from her skin.

She shakes her head. "No it's not. It's not okay,"

"What did you see?" When she doesn't answer him, he tries her name again.

"I let you go," She whispers, chewing her lip. "I let you go."

Her own words, the one's that she has used recently swarm at the back of her mind. _"Matt was driving me back to him, and yet, I found my way back to you. I always find my way back to you," _

For a moment, she knows she shouldn't _have _to be upset because he's here. He's right here.

In the heat of the moment though, the old feelings become anew again. They slowly grow to the surface and it feels like she's experiencing them again from the first time. And it _hurts. _

The images are coming faster now, and then pain is getting worse.

This time, she's on a deserted road with her phone pressed up against her ear. _"I know Bonnie. You're right. You and my mom are both right. I'll tell him. Just not tonight, I'll call you later," _

_What was so significant about this? _All she can piece together in her mind is hanging up from Bonnie, and then, remembering her parents picking her up from the bonfire.

"_Katherine," _It's _him._

"_Ummm no. I'm Elena," _

"_Oh. You- just look," _Damon fumbles for his words, trying to piece everything in his mind. _"I'm sorry, you just really remind me of someone," _There's a pause in his voice, and then he continues. _'I'm Damon." _A small smirk hangs at the corners of his mouth as he makes his way towards her.

"_Not to be rude or anything Damon, but it's kinda creepy that you're out here in the middle of nowhere," _

"_You're one to talk. You're out here all by yourself," _

"_It's Mystic Falls," _She shrugs her shoulders. _"Nothing bad ever happens here." _

"_Got into a fight with my boyfriend," _Yes, good way to change the subject.

"_About what?" _Damon puts his hands up in mock surrender. _"May I ask?" _

"_Life, future. He's got it all mapped out," _

"_You don't want it?" _He's smirking again. Oh, and there's at eye thing.

"_I don't know what I want,"_

"_Well that's not true," _He gives her a look, _"You want what everybody wants." _

"_What?" _Elena's curious now. He's got her hooked on his every word. _"A mysterious stranger who has all the answers?" _

"_Hmm," _He looks away, _"Well, let's just say I've been around a long time. I've learned a few things," _

She's smiling at him now, head tilted to the side. _"So Damon, tell me. What is it that I want?" _

He takes a couple steps forward. He's so close to her now that she can reach out and touch him if she wants. Damon continues to speak, _"You want a love that consumes you. You want passion, adventure, and even a little danger," _

Elena stops now, speechless in her tracks. He's right. He's spot on with his words. It takes her a moment to regain her words, but she finally does.

"_So what do you want?" _He's about to answer her as a car horn beeps. She turns around, _"It's my parents." _

"_I want you to get everything that you're looking for. But right now, I want you to forget that this happened, can't have people knowing I'm in town yet," _As he speaks again, he almost seems sad. _"Goodnight Elena." _

**I'm stopping this chapter here. Yes I said chapter because I have decided to turn this into a full blown story. (Like I need another one of those to focus on, but I just couldn't help myself). There's something about writing all the memory scenes that nearly bring me to tears every time because I feel like I'm exploring Delena's story even further. It reminds me why I love them so much! **

**I'm sort of jumping into this blind while not knowing how long this story will be. Its been writing itself for the most part and inspiration has been pouring out of me. I don't know where I'll take it from here, but I'm hoping it comes to me soon. **

**I hope you all stick with me through this crazy ride and continue to leave me your wonderful reviews! They ALWAYS make my day better! So, tell me your thoughts and how you think this all should go down. **

**I proofread, but I may have missed something, so, forgive me. **

**I love you all, **

**XOXO, **

**Megan. **


	3. Chapter 3

"I brought you some magazines, some tea, and here," Caroline says, handing Elena her iPad. "Just in case you get bored."

"Thanks Care," Elena tells her gratefully, but there's a part inside of her that feels like she's being smothered. She appreciates it, she does, but her main focus right now is to do everything that she can to regain her memories. Glancing at Caroline's opened tablet, she holds back a tiny sigh. She doesn't think that watching an entire marathon of _Gossip Girl _will help with any of that.

Caroline nods, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "So," The blonde begins, "how are you really feeling?" _Why do people keep asking her that? _

She's growing irritated by the second, but she manages a small smile. Right now, she's more upset than she is sick. Her headache has slowly faded away and she's starting to feel somewhat back to herself. Despite that, she knows that she worst is just beginning. It hasn't even been an entire yet. This is just a pause in the whole memory-regaining-sickness.

"Better,"

"Good. Is there anything else I can do?" _No. _

"I think I'm okay for now," Elena bites her lip.

"Is it alright to ask what you've remembered?" Caroline's speaking like she walking on eggshells around her. But, then again, she kind of is. The blonde raises her brows suggestively. "Any declarations of love?"

_Not exactly, _Elena thinks. Besides, hasn't Caroline _just _started to except her relationship with Damon? Why is she asking all these questions? _Because she cares about you_. The little voice in the back of Elena's screams, and it makes Elena want to hit herself in the head.

"No," It's a simple answer, and she hopes it satisfies Caroline.

Caroline nods, and Elena knows the answer is alright (for now). There's bound to be more questions on the way soon. _It'll be too soon. _

"So where has Damon disappeared off to?"

Elena's eyes follow Caroline's to the empty spot on the side of bed. "He had to go take care of some things. Ric wanted to talk to him, he wouldn't tell me why, but it sounded important. I pretty much had to push him out the door to get him to go,"

"He's pretty protective of you. He would do anything to keep you out of harm's way,"

Elena nods softly, because she _knows. _Given, she doesn't know too much, but out of what she does, he's been her saving grace._ Her hero_. What she's noticed so far has been the complete opposite of what she remembers. But, her mind isn't exactly the most reliable source at the moment.

"Did I really love him that much?"

Caroline seems shocked for a moment, but she answers anyways. "I might not be the _best _person for you to be asking this question. I haven't been too supportive with your relationship, especially near the beginning,"

"I'm asking you anyways,"

"Yes." She takes a small breath, locking eyes with Elena. "You did love him _that _much. In fact, you were so scared to be with him at first. You didn't think you were ready for that type of love; the love that consumes. You always wanted the safe version,"

"Stefan," Elena whispers, thinking back to the night in Matt's truck. It was the night that she'd made her choice. She'd let him go because she _was _scared.

"Yes,"

"Do you think I'd be with him if I was still human?" It's a tricky question, and yes, she's already asked Damon once, but he's scared too. He doesn't want to face the facts and he only ever thought she would love his brother. Yes, she's supposed to be over it because she even told _him _to get over it, but she can't help her curious mind from getting the best of her.

"I don't know. I think maybe eventually you would have recognized your feelings for him. It's hard to really even be sure at this point. But, I do know that even though I didn't want to admit it, Damon brings out something in you that no one else can,"

"When did I know that I loved him?"

"Honestly," Caroline shook her head, "I have no idea."

Caroline's words tug at her heart, making her stomach twist into knots. _She just wants to know. _If she knows, maybe the memories will come flying back. Just maybe.

She hopes. But it's a long shot.

Elena nods. "That's okay," _Except, it's not. _

"You think Damon would kill me if I left you alone for a little?"

"I'll be fine,"

"You sure?"

"I'm sure," Elena asures nodding quickly. _She just wants to be alone. _

"I'll only a call away if you need anything," Caroline stands up, throwing her purse on her shoulder.

Elena raises her brows. "This is your dorm too. You didn't forget that, right?"

"I know. I just have a few things I need to take care of. Plus I promised Bonnie I would help her look through Emily's Grimoire later. Just incase there is anything in there that can help with this whole mess,"

"Thanks," This time she means it.

"No problem," Caroline flashes her a grin, before heading out of the dorm.

There's _finally _the peace and quiet that Elena's been looking (hoping) for since she woke up this morning. It's a nice feeling, being alone for once.

She feels like she needs this. She _hates _feeling smothered, (even if the people do mean well). That's just not who she is.

Her eyes begin to feel heavy. Elena presses her head into her pillow, all thoughts of Caroline's used magazines packed away. As she shuts her eyes, she feels the pain building in the back of her skull.

Maybe staying alone wasn't the _best _idea. Right now, she wants someone (she wants Damon).

"_This is nice," _

"_It is nice," _

"_Quiet, still, peaceful. I like our life when it's like this," _

It's a good memory, (finally something happy). Which so far, seems to be few and far between. But, she's ready for _something _happy. She just wants that one moment of happiness again before someone tears down the walls and causes everything to go into chaos.

Damon presses a kiss to the back of her head. _"But, it is our life. Which probably means that something's going to walk through that door and shatter it," _

"_Don't say that," _The voice of her memory self is smooth, (teasing slightly) but behind it the plea is real. All she wants is a few quiet moments together with him.

"_In 10, 9,"_

She interrupts his dark vader voice, pressing her head deeper into the front of his chest. _"Just let me enjoy the moment," _

"_6, 5,"_

"_Damon, today is the day that we're gonna bring Bonnie back. It's a good day," _

In between head kisses Damon continues to keep counting. His tone is soft, (joking) and deep down, it makes her want to start giggling.

"_Damon. It's a good day," _Cutting him off, she presses her lips to his, silencing him with a kiss. (Oldest trick in the book).

The memory begins to sink in as it fades. She's thankful for it, (of course she is) but she wishes they didn't come _with _the headaches.

"_You okay?" _

"_Yeah. I've just got this weird feeling, like something bad's about to happen," _

"_Well it is. You're leaving tomorrow. _She gives him a pointed look, trying not to stare at his naked chest. _"You're trading all this for communal showers and a meal plan." _He's grinning as he speaks. His face leans down to loom over her own.

"_Can't you just be a normal boyfriend a support me as I attempt to have a normal college experience?" _

"_I'd rather ply you with champagne and spend the night convincing you to stay," _Damon rubs his nose against her own, pressing a deep kiss to the edge of her mouth. Grinning as he pulls her mouth away. He leaves the bathroom, letting her watch as his wet feet make tracks on the floor.

It's a short memory, but again, it's good. It's all those memories that now, Elena can't to process why she let them go.

How had she talked herself into that one?

She breaks out of her trance like state for a few moments, burying her face deeper into her pillow. In fact, it's not really _her _pillow anymore. She guesses it's his (Damon's) now that he's used (claimed) it. Breathing in his scent, an automatic smiles comes to the corners of her mouth.

Although, she's trying not to think of him. For once, she doesn't want anyone to have to worry about her. She doesn't want to think of anyone needing to worry about her.

Besides, Damon is god-knows-where with Ric. Given, he's trying to find some other form of _something _that will help her, but this time, she wants (needs) him here. She just doesn't have the heart to admit it.

Thinking of this flashes her into another memory (a new one).

"_We need to get you inside," _

"_It's almost time," _It's a new voice, except, she knows she's heard it before. It's the hunter, the one whose neck she snapped.

Her first kill.

"_What you're going through is a curse. We know how to break it, when just need to get you inside," _Damon's voice is urgent as he takes small steps towards her.

She doesn't remember this. She doesn't remember him being there that night. Her mind is a blur as the memory continues, moving in places that she never knew it could go.

"_Don't let him stop you. I know you want to, but you can't. Don't," _

Her breathing is becoming more rapid by the second as Damon's molds with concern. His eyes glance in the direction of the rising sun.

"_Dammit Elena," _He's cursing now, using his vampire speed to the best of his abilities.

Elena's taking advantage of it too. She blurs away from him before he even has time to grab her. He's fast, but (right now) she's faster.

Something happens and there is a small breeze in the air now. When she looks back up, the blood spattered hunter is gone. Now, replaced in her line of vision is just a concerned Damon looking back at her.

Now, she's scared. She has a grip on reality, and she knows what she's doing.

"_He's gone," _She says, watching as (just for a moment) all worry washes from Damon's face.

"_It's okay," _

She takes a breath, looking down at her hand. It has began to crisp. The sun's ray's are burning. It hurts, she just doesn't have the time to show it.

"_Damon," _Elena says, all trace of worry has come back to her now.

She doesn't have time to process the next part as she's (saved) swooped up in his arms, and they are both heading for the water.

The next thing she remembers is waking up in the own home (in her own bed). She's no longer wet, and Damon has obviously changed her into something drier.

"_Fished it out of the river for you. Little tip, vampires hate to swim," _At first, his voice startles her, coming from her window seat. But, after a moment, she's calmed down.

"_How you feeling?"_

"_My head's clear," _It's then when Damon sits up, throwing his legs over the side of the seat, and facing her. _"I can remember everything, but not like I lived it, like it was a really bad dream," _

"_You saved me," _There. He's gone and done it again, turned into her own superman. _"Thank you." _

_Well you know what they say about teenage suicide," _He's getting up, making his way towards her bed. _"Don't do it_._" _He's across her her, pointing his finger at her as he speaks. She's even smiling, even if it _is _a crappy idea for a joke.

"_I just can't believe that I almost…" _Damon cuts her words off, laying a hand on top of her own.

"_You weren't yourself," _He's right.

She leans forward, gripping his hand even tighter. Her fingers are lacing around his own, feeling the heat radiating off of them. _"Yeah, but if it wasn't for you," _She trails, letting her words come to a halt as he watches their hands.

Elena smiles gently, holding onto his hand (holding onto him) for dear life because she's scared that if she lets go, more will happen, and it's _always _bad.

Eyes dropping between her their hands, and Damon's eyes they finally rest on him.

The moment is special, (gentle) and it doesn't need any words. It's them down to the core. All walls are pushed aside, and they're raw and open.

It's those kinds of moments that keep her from falling apart.

**I'm alive! It's been a few days, and no I have not abandoned this story. **

**It's been a rough past few days with the news of Nina leaving the show after this season. I can't seem to process my feelings, and after I found out I sobbed for a good half hour. I can't move on yet, and I'm trying to put my faith into the writers. **

**Nina said to expect the unexpected, so I'm hoping for the best. Right now, the hope of this is all that's keeping this delena shipper together. ;(**

**This chapter isn't the longest, and it's certainly not my best. But I did try to muddle through, it's hard to write when all you want to do is cry while you do it. It's really hard to try and write delena scenes when you know we they might not be endgame. I'm sorry for being such a downer.. I am sending love to all the rest of this fandom as well as a giant hug (I know we all need one). **

**I love you all, **

**XOXO, **

**Megan. **

**PS: Please forgive any grammar mistakes. **


	4. Chapter 4

The nightmares fill her mind the next night. Her whole feels consumed by fire as she tosses and turns beneath the blankets. The horrid images invade her head, making her unsure of what to believe.

It's _unbearable. _

The thoughts interrupt her usual sleep pattern, making it nearly impossible to think straight. She knows she's sleeping, and she knows the images aren't the truth.

_So why do they feel so real? _

She, Elena Gilbert, has watched dozens upon dozens of people die. Some at the hands of her enemies, some even, at the hands of herself. But _this_… this was horrid.

The pictures reel through her head on a loop, leaving a gaping hole in her chest where her heart is supposed to be.

For a few moments, it's like traveling back in time, but everything moves in a slow pace. After a minute or two, she can feel hands shaking her shoulders. But the person is blurry, the voice muffled as if they have their head in a pillow.

She's screaming now, her mouth so dry as if it's filled with cotton. She has never wanted anything more than a drink of water in her life.

The voice is far away. _"Elena," _

Her head snaps up, searching for the owner. _Nothing. _

"Elena," The person is shaking her harder now. The voice is becoming clearer.

She can _still _hear herself screaming, whacking her arms in attempt to keep the person away. No. _No. _She can't let them (him) get to her.

"Elena," She's struggling. "Elena calm down."

There's another voice. "Should we vervain her?"

The first voice. _"No." _It's firm and it means business.

"Stay away from me," She's hisses (like a cat almost) "Stay away from _him." _Truthfully, she has no idea who she is trying to protect.

"Open your eyes," She can feel a hand on her cheek. "_Look _at me." She's trying to open her eyes. She's _trying. _

"Please," Elena can hear her own voice pleading, lips trembling. "_Please_."

It's one of those moments where there is nothing there. When you can't figure out the truth and a lie. You are in a state of mind where everything feels fake. There's a fear behind the smallest things (the smallest moments) and _anything _can frighten you.

The voice is back, trying to soothe her. "Please _what_ Elena?"

It's black where she's at, (wherever that is) pitch black. She can't even see her hand in front of her. Even so, her words ring out softly. "Please don't hurt him."

"She's disoriented." It's a girls voice this time, panicked.

"She's not," A thumb touches her cheek. "She's remembering."

Elena can feel the tears cascading down her cheeks. She's not sure why she's crying. There is really no reason besides fear. _What is she even afraid of?_

She can feel the insides of her own stomach tossing and turning like waves. Old blood wanting to spill over the banks. She can feel the bile rising in her throat. She swallows it anyways.

_What's wrong with her?' _

God, she needs help.

Moments pass (which end up feeling like weeks) and soon the feeling of a gentle kiss is pressed against her sweaty forehead. "It's okay," A voice whispers. "It's okay." It's not.

She is starting to panic again, the sweat is beading down her forehead, and she is doing everything in her power not to fidget. This has happened before. It's happened when Stefan nearly drove her over Wickery Bridge. The night after her parents died. God, it even happened the night she became a vampire.

Elena can't remember the last few moments before this black feeling. But, it is never ending, wanting to swallow her up whole, and take her away. It's working.

The voice is back. "Elena can you focus?" Focus? _Focus on what? _

She nods. "Good," There's those lips again. "Good."

Her words come out slow (soft) "Help me," She is saying.

"I will sweetheart," The voice is obviously trying to soothe her again.

She can't feel it working.

"Now," There is a sigh in the background. "Focus on the sound of my voice."

_Who is this? _She thinks, her head trying to figure out why it sounds so familiar.

"Okay," She's scared, _no _terrified.

"Open your eyes Elena,"

"I can't," Her lip trembles.

"You _can,"_

"No. _No," _She is begging.

"Why not?" The voice (the man, she can tell now) is merely asking her a question.

"Because I'm scared," She admits.

"What are you scared of?"

"The man," She hisses, her own voice is now turning slightly bitter. "The man told me he is going to hurt them. He is going to hurt _him_. I can't let that happen."

"I'm not going to let that happen. I promise you. Now," He takes a breath. "open your eyes for me."

Elena is gripping onto this voice so hard that she can feel her head start to hurt. There is something about _this _voice that brings her comfort. This voice makes her want to listen.

So she tries.

Her brown eyes feel as if something has glued them shut. _It _hurts, but she's doing it. Slowly, peeling back her eyelids, she _finally _looks the man in the face.

God, his eyes, (his everything) are filled with worry. She can tell that it's taking everything he has for him not to tremble (much like she already is). He's scared, but it's not like she is. She is scared of a much greater power that her brain can't wrap itself around. But him, he is scared _for _her.

"There," His blue eyes are dancing over her body, checking every part of her. Finally, a satisfied looks sweeps over his face, and he turns his head to look at a sandy haired man behind him. "Do you think she'll be okay?'

The man nods, and Elena knows she _knows _him. But, her head is spinning and her words arent forming on her tongue. She is not good with names at the moment.

"She should be fine. This is just another side effect." _A side effect of what? _

"Why is she so scared?" It isn't until now that she notices the other bodies in the room. The person speaking is a wavy, blonde headed girl. "It's _us. _She has no reason to be scared of us."

Again, the sandy haired man speaks, "She doesn't know what she's doing. She could be hallucinating," He turns to the blue eyed man. "Kind of like the whole werewolf bite sanario."

_The what? _Nevertheless, she pushes his words away. She's confused, feeling like she has PTSD at the moment. It is _not _a good feeling.

Her eyes trace back to the man directly in front of her. He's the concerned one. "I'm cold," She whispers, gently moving her hands to rub her arms. He touches her hand, and she suddenly wants to jerk away from him. It only lasts a moment before she sinks into his touch. He's _warm. _

"You're freezing," He corrects, reaching across her bed to grasp a fuzzy blanket. Shaking it out, he places it on her lap. Then he looks at her. "Do you know who I am?"

_Should she? _

A few moments pass, and she bites her lip. "Not exactly,"

From the corner of her eye, she can see the blonde haired girl. Her eyes are saucer wide.

Elena speaks again, watching the man this time. "Should I?"

He closes his orbs for a second of two. "You should." He confirms.

Her life is a mess.

"Elena?" She raises her head. It's the blonde girl. "Do you know who _any _of us are?"

She scans the room. Three faces. Three unfamiliar faces. "No,"

Elena suddenly feels frustrated, a feeling of nausea sweeps over her as well. It's all coming at once.

Pushing the feeling down, she tries to focus on something else so she doesn't throw up all over the blanket on her lap. It's yellow, and soft. It's a _good _blanket.

What is her life coming to? She is trying to think about a _stupid _blanket and not about the strangers in her room. Then again. they're not _exactly _total strangers. They seem familiar enough.

A rumble of her stomach brings her out of her thoughts, and she suddenly feels queasy again. Her eyes dart around the room. "I'm going to be sick," She announces to no one in particular.

She just hopes someone will listen. They do, or _he _does. Within a matter of seconds, he's handing her a pink polka dotted trash can.

It's empty. It won't be for long.

The blue eyed man is holding her hand out her eyes and face. His eyes are slightly clouding over as she leans over the empty can.

Her stomach rolls and she heaves.

She doesn't know what she's expecting to happen and she throws the contents of her stomach away, literally. But, the smell is even _worse _than the actual throwing up part. It's old, and bitter.

The metalic taste of blood is far less satisfying coming out as it was going in. The blood gets tangled with her taste buds, and it just makes it ten times more miserable.

She heaves again.

In the middle of _all _that the taste triggers something else. A memory maybe?

She's coughing and breathing hard. There is blood _everywhere _all over the white bathroom.

She's looking at herself in a mirror now as old blood drips down her chin. _Gross. _

"_I"m here. I'm here," _Elena can hear the urgency over the phone. _When did she have time to take a phone call? "Where are you?" _

"_I'm in the basement bathroom," _She's cleaning (well, trying to) when the door handle rattles. _"Is that you at the door?' _

"_Not yet," _

"_Sorry there's someone in here!" _She's tries to keep her anxiety level down. _"Damon hurry." _She whispers into the phone, her voice breaking.

"_Damon, thank god," _She takes the dress bag from him.

_It's the concerned blue eyed man. _

"_Sorry,"_ She turns to the man sitting on the couch. _"I spilled coffee all over my dress." _Before she shuts the door, she gives Damon a grateful little smile (she's still worried).

The scene cuts away and they're (she and Damon) are walking outside the church.

"_Did you bring the blood bag?" _

"_You wanna say that a little louder?' _He shoots her a look.

She ignores it.

Damon hands her a bag, she immediately tears the top off.

It only takes a number of seconds, and she is spitting the blood out.

He's gripping her chin with his hand. _"No I can't," _She says. _"It tastes like-" _She cuts herself off as Damon rubs the blood off her chin.

"_What's wrong with me?' _

"_I don't know. Maybe it's your doppelganger blood, you're rejecting the transition," _His eyes move over her face with concern.

"_I'm dying aren't I?' _

"_No you're not dying," _He's serious. _"You just need to drink from the vein." _

"_No. No. I can't risk killing anyone Damon," _She looks away from him. _"Maybe I'm better off dead." _

He grips her bare shoulders, staring into her eyes. _"Don't you think like that. Elena," _His voice softens. _"You'll be fine." _

His gaze is so intense that she has no other choice but to believe him.

_His eyes are so blue. _

"_Okay," _His voice is _so _quiet that she barely hears him. But she does.

For a few moments it's like a staring contest. She's not sure who's winning.

Elena is pulled from the memory, but it still feels like she's attached somehow. Damon's eyes are still staring her down.

He's still concerned and it's the very same look. "You okay?"

"I think so," She lets go of the stinking trash can as he pulls it from her grip.

He brushes a lock of hair from her face that has fallen from his hand. He isn't afraid to wipe the blood from her lips with his bare fingers.

It's just like the memory.

Watching him as he sets the trash can aside, his eyes soften. "Are you still cold?"

"Not as much," It's true. She isn't.

It's mainly background noise now, but people are beginning to file from the room.

She's alone with him.

"Will you stay?" Elena questions before Damon has a chance to move.

He's nodding, climbing behind her in bed, and wrapping his arms around her.

She can feel his chin on top of her head.

He's suddenly not so much of a stranger to her. _Good. _

"I'll stay as long as you need me to Elena," His voice is barely above a whisper, but it's the thing that lolls her off to sleep.

* * *

**It's been forever, but I'M ALIVE! :) **

**Inspiration struck me yesterday, and BAM! This just sort of happened. **

**I can't tell you how much I've seriously missed you all, but the past few weeks have been crazy! School is slowly winding down (I'm on countdown) and it's a really nice feeling because I have felt super stressed. **

**How are you all doing? Are you all watching TVD like me (sad and depressed every week)? I'm still trying to focus on the good delena moments, and let me tell you this weeks episode was filled with tons the them! (Damon's speech had me jumping up and down). **

**Am I the only person that feels like if Elena wouldn't have chosen to forget Damon in the first place then the cure thing wouldn't be such a problem right now? Before, she knew their story and she **_**knew **_**how she felt. **

**I mean, I know she still does now too, but it doesn't feel as powerful or something now that she's forgotten (IDK maybe that's just me). **

**I love you all SO much! Thank you for all your support with this story! **

**XOXO, **

**Megan. **

**PS: Forgive any grammar mistakes**


	5. Chapter 5

It's not until the blood seeps out from the wound in the man's neck that Elena can comprehend what she's doing. She drops the body, letting it hit the ground with a thud. She glances over her left shoulder, noticing a trail of neck wounds and corpses behind her.

_What has she done?_

* * *

"Elena wake up," The shaking is back, and she can vaguely catch the voice. "Elena you're dreaming. It's okay." The women promises.

"What's going on?" It's her own voice speaking, but it sure doesn't sound the same. _Had it somehow changed overnight? _

It's Caroline. "You were screaming. I didn't know what else to do so I called Ric." She pauses before continuing. "It's the same thing that happened after the accident, remember? You were on medication for a month to control the panic attacks and nightmares."

She does remember. Very well actually. She remembers waking up in the hospital screaming because she couldn't breathe. But, the truth of the matter was, she _was _breathing. Then, after coming home, the nightmares didn't fade. They only got worse.

A couple weeks in, Jenna took to her to a therapist, where she was prescribed medicine for anxiety. The nightmares got better after that, for a while, but once the whole _Klaus _situation happened, they were back again.

"I'll be fine," Elena insists, swinging her legs over the side of the twin bed, after pushing the blankets away from her body. She's sweating, and the room suddenly feels like the inside of a volcano. How she feels contradicts her words.

Caroline shakes her head. "You're not. Two days ago you didn't even know who any of us were!" She moves her arms for emphasis. "You need help Elena. I know this is a side effect of whatever compulsion Ric used on you, but it's been a week."

"We don't know how long this is going to take." She wipes a bead of sweat off her forehead.

"Bonnie said there might be another way to handle this."

"I know, but I don't want to drag Bonnie into this any further. She has her own problems right now, and she's done enough."

"_Elena,_" Caroline sighs. "She already has been dragged into this, and so have I. Just like everyone else. We love you Elena. We want to help."

"I know you do, and I appreciate that, but I can't risk anyone else getting hurt. We still have Kai to worry about. Who knows what he's going to do. Not to mention Damon's mother is still adjusting."

"Do you even hear yourself?" The blonde crosses her arms over her chest, pushing back her own bed sheets. "Something could be seriously wrong with you Elena, and you don't want help just because everything else is going on. We _want _to help you Elena, and like it or not, we are going to." She climbs out of bed, reaching for her cell phone on the side of her nightstand.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm calling someone." Caroline shoots her a pointed look, brushing a few loose strands of hair from her eyes.

"_Who _someone?"

"You don't need to worry about that. He owes me anyways."

"_Who?" _

Caroline doesn't answer, instead she presses her phone to the side of her ear, inhaling a breath. Elena can vaguely hear the voice from the other end. _"You do realize that it's three in morning," _

Klaus.

After that moment, Elena spaces out. To where, she's not sure. It could be a memory or it could be her mind trying to figure out how to process the conversation she's just had. Either way, her mind is playing some good tricks on her.

_"Shame about Mary, she used to be a blast. Don't quite know what happened. I fear the time she spent with my family might have ruined her. She was a bit of an Original groupie." _

Elena can hear her own voice responding to Kol's words. Somehow, she's not afraid. _"And were you her favorite?"_

"_You mean did I turn her? I think I did. But no wait, maybe it was Rebekah. There was also a Klaus period. Let's not forget the Elijah affair," _Kol pauses. _"I spoke to my brother, I know you're trying to find out who you descended from. Now you never will." _Mary, bloody Mary, hangs from the wall with a stake jabbed in the middle of her heart.

Kol takes a glance at her before he begins speaking again. What happens next, Elena isn't prepared for. _"So? Where did we leave off?" _The metal bat Kol is holding, he uses to hit Damon in the shin, knocking him to his knees.

"_Elena get out of here." _Damon's words come out pained as Kol hits him in the chest.

"_According to my brother you're off limits, please don't test me." _Suddenly, she's standing face to face with the original. His face is slowly morphing into a smirk as he hits her with his bat. The blow knocks her against the nearest wall, and Elena can feel the blood rolling down her face.

"_Don't touch her." _Damon hisses, between gritted teeth, and then, he hits the other wall as Kol forces him away.

"_Awe dear, I've hit a nerve. Relax darling, I just want us to be even. You snapped my neck, you killed my brother, and then you humiliated me," _He whacks Damon with the baseball bat again. Three more times after that, he does it again. _"There, now we're even." _

Kol leaves and Elena quickly helps Damon to his feet. It's obvious that he is still in pain as she rests a hand on his shoulder. _"You okay?" _

"_Yeah," _He nods softly, wincing as his bones heal themselves. _"That's better," _He admits, reaching up to inspect Elena's wound on her head. _"You okay? You're bleeding." _Damon rubs the pad of his thumb over the spot, his hand resting on her cheek.

"_I'll be fine." _Elena promises, pushing his hand away.

"_Good." _The words come out of his mouth so softly, she's not sure he actually spoke them. But, one look in his eyes, and she has never been more sure of anything in her entire life. He's _so _worried about her. He's Damon Salvatore, always the hero in disguise.

She turns away from him, briefly turning back when she hears his voice. _"What are you doing?' _

"_What do you mean?' _

"_Well this trip and you kissing me," _As he speaks he stops for a short moment. It's as if he can't believe his own words. But, Elena's not sure she can either because she doesn't remember _kissing _him. Watching his eyes for a split second after, she _knows _he's telling the truth.

He continues speaking not a second later. _"What the hell is this?" _

"_Stefan thinks that I have feelings for you." _

Damon squints. _"Do you?" _

"_I-I don't know." _She admits, stumbling over her words as she chooses them.

"_I guess you thought this whole trip could help you figure that out then. Or maybe you're hoping that I'll screw it so I can just make the decision for you. Am I wrong?' _

"_Damon…" _

"_Am I wrong?" _

"_It's what you do Damon. You sabotage things. I think about it every time there's a bump in the road, you lash out." _

"_What if I didn't?' _He takes a few steps towards her, and for a moment, she swears he's about to kiss her. _"What if there was no bump?" _As Damon questions, his eyes become _so _hopeful. She knows he's speaking as the good man (the good brother) for a mere moment.

She can't give him an answer. It's not because she doesn't have one (she does) but it's because of that crippling fear in the back of her mind. She doesn't want to admit to the truth because no matter how good it will be (no matter how happy it will make her in the end), it always comes crashing out from under her feet like quicksand.

"_i'm sorry Elena, but this time I'm not gonna make it so easy for you. This time you'll have to figure it out for yourself." _Damon walks away, leaving her to decipher his words.

She knows what he means (what he wants) but she can't give it to him right now. There are too many factors standing in the way, and everything is bound to tumble if she jumps in head first without a safety net.

He's like the ocean, and she's drowning in him.

She's not sure _how _long she's stayed in this memory remembering state because when she opens her eyes, Caroline's staring at her. "Are you alright?"

Elena nods, trying to push Damon's last words from the memory out of her head. He wasn't wrong after all. She _had _felt something for him, but his message behind the words is what haunts her. He always let her take the easy road out, always protecting her, and never letting her get wounded.

_Is that why she took so long to come around with her feelings? _

Chewing on her lip. Elena reaches for the ponytail holder on her wrist. She ties her hair up, getting out of bed. She's about to head towards the bathroom when Caroline's voice stops her. "Where are you going?'

"I'm going to go take a shower?" The fact that it's nearly a three thirty in the morning slips from her mind.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'll be fine," Elena assures, nodding. "Besides, if I hit the floor, you'll know."

In truth, her last words weren't _that _far off.

As she turns to reach for the shampoo, a light headed feeling passes over her.

_Not here. _She pleads to herself.

Slumping back against the shower wall, Elena clutches her head. The pain _this _time isn't as bad as it has been, but still it's the fact that it's there. Her temples pound as she touches them with her fingers.

Elena reaches to turn off the water, stopping it in mid stream as it drips down from her hair. But, it's not just water. After a moment, she can feel the warmth of something as well. Rubbing at the side of her skull, a red, sticky substance wipes off on her fingers.

_Blood. _

Turning to get her towel, she chews her lip. There is that little voice at the back of her mind telling her to yell for Caroline, but just once she wants to be able to prove herself right.

Pressing her towel to the wound, she steps out from the shower. She watches herself in the mirror for a minute or two; she can tell the white towel is soaking up the blood. It's turning to a deep shade of amber, and that should almost be a good thing. _Almost _is the key to the matter.

It's _not _healing.

A sour look passes over her face, her lips turning into a pucker. It's like the aftermath of eating a lemon when all you want to do is get the taste from your mouth.

Her eyes flutter, and she grips the edge of the sink for support. Leaning her head against the wall, she shuts her eyes tight. The blood soaked towel falls from her hand, smacking the ground.

Elena can smell the stench of blood dripping from her wound. Its metallic smell nearly burns her nostrils. As a small child, she was squeamish around blood _and _anything to do with it.

At the age of nine she can remember playing with Jeremy in their front yard. Her brother decided it would be hilarious to throw rocks at her. It was funny, for a while. That is, until, one of the sharper rocks connected with her left elbow. It split open the skin leaving a wide gash. As the blood rolled down her arm, she stood there, watching. She couldn't comprehend _why _Jeremy was screaming for her mother, until she actually appeared in front of her.

The entire ordeal ended up being a bigger deal than her mother had made it out to be (she hadn't wanted to scare Elena). A trip to the hospital and three hours later, nine year old Elena Gilbert returned home with four stitches in her elbow.

Then there was, of course, her parents accident off of Wickery Bridge.

Being a vampire seemed to have lessened the feeling that came along with the sight of blood, but Elena still has her moments.

This is one of _those_.

Her stomach gurgles, letting her know that this is not a good sign. It rolls and rumbles, sending whatever blood she'd had previously up to her throat.

Prying her eyes open, (despite the blurriness) Elena grips the sink with her _other _hand until her knuckles turn white.

Suddenly, there's a pounding noise on the bathroom door. "Elena? Are you okay in there?"

_No. _"I'm fine."

Caroline obviously doesn't believe her because ten seconds later the door is busted open. "Oh my god!" She grips Elena's shoulders, biting into her wrist and pressing it up to Elena's mouth. "Drink." She commands.

The blood seems to stop the bloody gash on Elena's forehead, but her head's still spinning.

"This is what I was talking about," Caroline shakes her head, reaching for the forgotten towel on the floor. "You are _not _fine Elena. Something is seriously wrong, and after we get you to settle down, I'm calling Bonnie."

Elena lets Caroline help her sit down on the toilet lid. "We?"

"You think I wouldn't call Damon?" His name is what breaks Elena out of her current thoughts. He'd gone to Ric's around an hour and a half ago to briefly grab an extra set of clothes, though, he was reluctant to even leave in the first place. The only reason she remembers him doing so is because she felt him press a kiss to the top of her head.

"No, I figured you would."

The answer doesn't seem to satisfy Caroline, but she moves on. "Now, let me look at your head," Moving Elena's wet hair over, Caroline crouches down on the tile floor. "It looks all healed up," She pauses, reaching into the shower for the bottle of shampoo. "Think you can lean your head over the sink so I can wash your hair?"

"I can take care of it." It's a male's voice coming from the entrance to the bathroom.

Damon leans on the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest. His lips are pressed together, showing that he means business. Under the lips holds a man who is worried, but he won't let it show in front of Caroline.

Caroline almost looks relieved as she hands him the bottle of shampoo. "I'm going to go call Bonnie." She moves past Damon, leaving.

When they are alone, Damon kneels down beside Elena. He holds her head in his hands, ignoring the water droplets that drip on his arms. "Elena."

For once, she catches his eyes. "How was Ric?" Her voice is barely above a whisper.

"Don't try and change the subject," He shoots her a small look, bringing his lips to her head. "What happened?" All at once the mask is dropped from his face.

"I had this dream," She bites her lip, continuing. "You and I were at this house, and there was this vampire that had been staked. Mary."

Damon nods. "Ahh yes, Scary Mary."

She ignores the comment. "Kol showed up, and I'm betting you can tell me the rest just from that look." Elena cuts herself off, watching the way Damon's eyes tensed up when she talked about it.

"You guessed right," He moves his hand from her face, taking the bottle of shampoo in his hand again. "What happened to your head?"

"I don't know. I had that dream- memory, and then I came in here to take a shower. My head just started throbbing, and then it started bleeding. I wasn't healing Damon."

"_What?" _

"I don't know what was happening, but it was like when Kol threw me against the wall that night, expect, it was worse. Caroline had to give me her blood."

By the look on his face, he knows what she's thinking: she's lost.

"We can figure this out," Damon promises, tracing a finger across her bare cheek. Not a second later, he grips her hand. "Do you think you can stand?'

She shakes her head, because even with Caroline's blood in her system; despite being a vampire who can (usually) heal, she's dizzy. Her brain still isn't processing like it should be, and if she moves at all, she feels as though she will black out.

Dropping her hand, Damon instructs her to lean her head over the side of the sink. "Are you okay like that?"

This time she nods.

Seconds pass, and Elena's confidence slowly begins to fade. As Damon turns on the sink, she pulls back.

"What?" He questions at the sudden look of pain on her face. "What's wrong?"

"I-I can't," Elena sutter's, placing a hand to her forehead. When she brings it down, there's beads of sweat. She sits back further on the toilet lid, feeling Damon's hand brush stray pieces of wet hair from her face.

He looks her in the eyes. "Tell me what I can do to make it better, whatever _it _is."

"I don't know," Elena whispers, leaning her head on his arm. "It _all _just hurts. Damon, everything hurts."

"I know," Damon says. "I know it does."

"I just _want _to remember." Ever since the night of the rain, (even before that) that's all she's wanted. She just wasn't expecting it to all go down quite like _this. _

Elena's eyes slowly begin to drift shut, her head still resting on Damon's arm. She let's it all just go, trying to focus on something else (something more). She looks up after a moment. "What did you do after you met me?"

"You know how I was then Elena. I was ruthless to everyone, especially to Caroline."

"Not _that _time," She corrects. "The first time. Where did you go after that? You mentioned something about not wanting people to know you were in town yet, and then you just...vanished."

"Why the sudden curiosity?"

"I'm just…curious I guess." For a moment, (just for a moment) she feels better.

"That wasn't a good time in my life Elena. Even though I had met you, I pushed it to the back burner. You were just the doppelganger that I didn't have a clue existed till after that night. Sure, it crossed my mind every so often, but my main focus was getting Katherine out of the tomb. What happened in between those summer months, I'm not proud of.

"But you were around?"

Yes, I was around, but not particularly in Mystic Falls until Stefan came back."

"Why were you there _that _night?"

"Passing through. I had a lead on a witch who turned out to be another dead end, very much like all the ones beforehand. Us meeting just happened to be a coincidence. "

"Why did you come back when Stefan did?"

"I think it was merely to get a rise out of him. I hadn't seen him fifteen years, but Stefan was just a bonus, we all know my real reason for being in Mystic Falls."

"Katherine." Elena confirmed, to which Damon nodded, but she knew that already.

"Are we all done playing twenty questions?" He quirks, trying to lighten the mood.

Elena laughs weakly. "For now. I may have some more later."

"How are you feeling?" Damon asks, his face growing a bit more serious.

"I'm not sure." Elena wipes her towel against her face.

"I shouldn't have left you."

"Damon...don't do this."

"No. I shouldn't have gone to Ric's."

"I wasn't alone Damon. Caroline was here, you know that."

"That's not the problem Elena, it's the fact that _I _wasn't here. God, I promised you and…"

"Hey," Elena says, leaning over and grabbing his cheeks in her hands. "This wasn't your fault. It would have happened regardless. You can't beat yourself up over something that was out of your control."

"I just don't like to see you like this."

"I'll be better soon, okay?" Elena nods as she speaks, brushing her thumb over the side of his cheek.

Damon nods, but they both know the words represent an empty promise.

**I know, I know, it's been FOREVER, but I've had little to no move to write this chapter. Plus, it is not exam week for me, so THEY are kicking me in the butt! Before I go into my rant about 6x22, the beginning part of this chapter comes from pre 6x01 when Elena is the "border lurker". (Sigh, that's yet another thing the writers forgot to address again before the end of the season once Damon was back). **

**Okay, moving on to 6x22. It could have been better. I do like how they left it open ended for Elena to come back, but I wish they would have put more emphasis on her leaving. I don't feel like the other characters tried hard enough to find a "cure" to the situation. They pretty much just took Kai's word for it, and went. **

**I'm not really sure on how to feel about the Delena goodbye. It's still sort of up in the air for me on that one. I have mixed emotions. I liked the dance scene at the end, and I'm glad the writers added that, but instead, I wished there would have been more conversation to it as well… **

**The only goodbyes I was okay with was the Stelena, Matt, and Bonnie ones. The rest could have been better. **

**I don't understand why no one could have given Jo blood after Kai stabbed her! Hello! Stefan and Caroline were just standing there, I mean, poor Alaric. (I have a feeling the writers want him to end up alone or something). But, I guess that leaves more room for Dalaric next season (which I have missed immensely. We haven't gotten anything good from those two sense season 3/4x23).**

**I think that's all I have for my rant (this is the longest author's note ever. I'm sorry). Don't forget to leave a review and tell me what you thought of 6x22 in the process. **

**PS: Florencia7 please tell me you are writing a post 6x22 story and sticking around for S7?! :) **

**XOXO, **

**Megan. **


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